Have you been having a hard time gaining those extra pounds to get yourself looking Wal-Mart fresh? Well we have been putting in the extra hours to solve all of your problems.


Lard makes a great snack!



1. Eat lots of food!! I know this sounds pretty straight forward, but a lot of you are missing the picture. Your first step should be to learn how to eat even when you are full. Buffets are your friend especially those precious Chinese Buffets. Lard is a good substitute for butter, jam, jelly, ketchup, and just about every other condiment.

2. BE LAZY!!! Did you walk into your favorite store? Then you are doing it wrong. Park in the fire lane and yell until someone gets you a scooter of some kind. Drive-thrus are your friend. Make sure to keep that lard handy so that you can grease the wheels of your mobility scooter, squeeze yourself through doorways, and as an all important snack.

3. RUN TO NAMELESS!!!!! Obviously I don’t mean actually run, that would be counterproductive. You need you fill of laughs to keep those fat rolls jolly like Santa. Nobody likes non-jolly fat rolls. Check back at Namelesscomedy.com for more filling laughs.